Am I addicted to look for me?

Contribution by Isabel Hernández Negrín, Las Palmas, Canary Islands, Spain.

I know people who are always ready and even anxious to find themselves, includingby travelling to distant countries and taking part in sessions that explain about self-knowledge or seeking something spiritual, whatever their inclination is.

They tend to be guided by the idea that someone will be able to shed light for them on how to find themselves.

Often this search takes many years, their whole lives.  Sometimes you see that they are searching for something they believe they are missing.

When the search becomes constant, when you desire to be in a place, or a state of mind, that is different from the one you are in, you are continually turning outwards and towards the future.  Thinking about the next retreat, the next workshop that promises what I am searching for, namely myself.

Could it be that I am looking in the wrong place?  Could it be that I want to avoid or get rid of what I really feel?   Could it be that I am thinking about myself instead of observing what is happening to me? 

In my experience, I am inclined to think that the more I want to distance myself from something about myself that I dislike, the more detached I become from myself, since what I dislike about myself, is also part of me. And if I do not observe and admit what I feel as being something natural, something to explore, something to learn from, I can never be at peace with myself, which essentially is what we are searching for.

The search for ourselves can only be in the here and now.  It happens whenever it happens and it depends very little on my desire or insistence on finding or seeking myself.  If I feel anxious, stressed or empty at the moment, that is where I should be, it is what I need to focus on, so that I understand its origin and I am able to hone in on what is causing my malaise.  Here and now, not on a journey, not in a session, not by following someone.  Being with myself, whatever my state of mind or circumstances, without denying, without complaining or censuring, without wishing to be in a state of mind other thanthe one that exists in me right now.

It is much more economical and immediate, but often we become quite confused about where to look and we become addicted to the search.  But everything is very close by.

Within you.  Inside you, right here and now.