Can I find myself when I am searching?
Remarks by José Parés Pérez. Concepción, Chile.
I remember a time not so long ago when the state of the world in which we live, the prevailing inequality and the clear harm that we are inflicting on our planet, upset my state of mind. If I were to condense everything that I felt then into a single question, it would be: who can solve this in time?
I spent a great deal of time searching for the answer to this question through paths and maps that didn’t reflect my reality. Until, finally, I understood that the path was within me, that I was the path and the goal. First, I understood that all the pain generated within me when I observed the world, everything that I can do to change the source of that pain, depends on what I am, what I feel in response to the observation of that reality. I understood that the moment for doing what I must do is now, the instant I feel it. What I should do, what brings sense to my life, cannot be done except in the present. That search, in desperate moments, was transformed into a search for myself.
And that led me to realize that I can’t find myself if I’m worried about searching for myself, that searching implies putting my attention outside of myself.
That is so common and unremarkable in our lives that it was not easy for me to understand.
When something bothers us, we look for help in our external surroundings, inn something or someone that will calm us down. We want them to tell us which path to follow or who to imitate. My own territory is my path and no one knows it better than I do. And if I don’t know it, then obviously understanding myself is the first step. I need to know which bends in the road produce reactions inside of me, what bothers me, and why. Everything I feel, whether it’s provoked by reality or by my thoughts and interpretations of reality, is within me, is what I am. I shouldn’t leave to find myself where I’m not. I should place my attention on what I feel because that it what I am.
I am the one who can resolve my concerns in the moment that they appear.