Contribution by Isabel Hernández Negrín, Las Palmas, Canary Islands, Spain.
It is quite common to hear and say things like “I don’t deserve it…, “I can’t change anything” “…is to blame.”
All of this hints at the fact that I do not feel responsible for my own existence that I am at the mercy of something other than myself.
We are not aware of the damage we do to ourselves with this attitude whereby we give others or circumstances power over our lives.
We do not see that by doing this we make ourselves smaller and smaller and more and more vulnerable. Let us remember that what we believe and think represent the images that guide our lives. If I consider that I am responsible for scarcely anything, I will not be capable of doing anything.
Is this perhaps what I am looking for? Not to decide, not to put myself at risk and not to feel insecurity. That someone else should do it for me. I hand over my life to others with the proviso that I do not have to face my fear of exposing myself, my insecurity. That is a high price to pay.
Constructing your own life is a process, a permanent decision, and not a one-off action to change something specific that annoys you. I am responsible for what I believe, think and do. Based on my attitudes. And attitudes change in the blink of an eye, when I explore and observe how I behave in relation to my life and I take the decision to change it.
Taking charge of my life may, to begin with, may cause me a degree of fear, dizziness and a certain loneliness.
However, realising that I am responsible frees the energy I invest in regrets, in complaining, in feeling that I am a victim, or insulted or abandoned and I am able to direct that energy towards giving coherent responses that give me peace and that do not store up resentments or worries. If I do not ask anyone to take charge of me, I liberate myself and that produces happiness and a sensation of strength. Although I may make mistakes, although I may take decisions that make me uneasy, they will be mine and I will learn from that. I will not be waiting for others to decide for me and then blaming them for how they make me feel and creating relationships of dependency that are always toxic. I will also free myself from others and my relationships will change. They will change even though they involve the same people. If I want to feel well in myself, it is good to stand on my own two feet and to take charge of what I do and where I go. Nobody other than me is responsible for the responses I give in my life. Circumstances may be better or worse, but the attitudes and responses are mine, they have always been mine. It seems to me that some people could take this as something regrettable, as a duty or a punishment. Nothing could be further from the truth. The day that I really felt in my whole body that I was the sole person responsible for my life, was a moment of great joy and it still is, since there is not a moment when you are not taking decisions and it is better that they are responsible and consistent with my inner peace of mind.