Does my resistance to what I am, disorientate me, making me suffer?
Contributed by Isabel Hernández Negrin from Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, Spain.
Many of us have felt rejection from some aspect of our own. Maybe we think that we are not good for something, or likeable, or fit for a job, or too tall or short, not grateful enough, etc. We keep repeating those negative thoughts and end up believing that there really is something wrong, unacceptable to others. It is this fear of rejection of others that causes us to reject ourselves and not love ourselves enough.
We compare ourselves with others or with the models that are in vogue at that moment and in every sphere of life. If it seems like in that comparison we turn out to be at a disadvantage and it feels important to us, it makes us suffer.
Rejecting oneself is a fundamental mistake that one can make. I say it from experience. Sometimes, it just happens and we barely realize the reason for the discomfort, even end up blaming others for it. If they don’t take my idea into consideration at work, I might feel bad, because I have taken it personally (“I’m worthless!”) instead of trying to understand that the idea is not me.
Perhaps I did not present it properly, maybe it is not a good time to implement it, maybe I did not put emphasis on what was essential, etc. I could ask the reason behind the rejection in order to make it better or straightaway dispose of it. But if I take a rejection personally, I will never learn to improve my actions or simply to feel affection for myself, confusing the details with what I really am.
But the judgment of others is not the most important thing.
What matters the most is that I interpret that those judgments respond to my reality and adopt them as a definition of myself. If I firmly believe in the veracity of the negative judgments that I make about myself, I will suffer hopelessly.
I will diverge from the facts and will be left with negative interpretations that will fill me up with insecurity and discomfort.
I will live trying to hide what I think makes me unacceptable for something, and that is very stressful.
In order to tackle this, let us not judge ourselves as if we were guilty of something.
Now, of course, to me it seems very basic that we pay attention to judging everything that comes up and that we judge ourselves without a true basis, and that when we do this, we smile for having discovered ourselves in that unhealthy mental vice and continue with conquering our life at every step, without wasting any energy on that thought.
If you lived on a desert island, do you think you would judge yourself so severely?
Perhaps, in the beginning, you would regret your situation (“I have never climbed a tree”, “it makes me dizzy to climb to that height”), but as soon as the hunger becomes unbearable, you would quickly learn to do things that you previously thought were impossible for you, you would tend to your needs and you would get rid of the judgments that could in no way help your survival and your health.
So, why not do it from now on?