Contribution by Isabel Hernández Negrín, Las Palmas, Canary Islands, Spain.
Desiring love. To desire speaks of attaining something. Something that I believe that I do not have and that I can find in someone or something. Desiring also means attaining something at some point in the future. All of this implies desire.
It is possible to desire to be with someone whom we like and to feel loved and secure with this person. It is possible to desire to be loved by your children and to seek that our lives are continued in theirs. However, this does not seem like love, rather it appears that I am seeking not to feel loneliness. It is necessary to be able to be clear about what we are seeking, as this will avoid us becoming frustrated by an angry gesture from our partner or children. Faced with a gesture like that I may feel something crumble within me. My desire to feel secure, loved and accepted is what has crumbled. I love you for.., I love you because…I love you if…
What does this sound like?
Well, as if the relationship I have established is full of conditions. It is what is normally called conditional love.
It would good to observe if this is what we are looking for, because this path is full of obstacles.
Love is something else. For me it is a state of mind and not an emotion.
A state of mind in which I do not impose any prior conditions; one in which I do not demand anything of others, whoever they are, one in which I am not offended if somebody does not fulfil some kind of expectation, because I do not have any, and, if by any chance I have, I am able to appreciate that this expectation is my business and not something that the other person should fulfil for me.
When I do not impose conditions on others, curiously I am very open to dealing affectionately with them, whatever they are like, since I see in them what I see in myself.
When I desire love, I talk about possessing something. But if I free myself of my desire to possess love, funnily enough, it starts to blossom within me. If you release your desire and let things be as they are, then love is within you. You do not need to look for others to give it to you. At that moment you will experience it inside you and you will understand that you do not need to possess anyone to feel that way.
The desire for love, distances us from love. Desire is centripetal and love is centrifugal. They do not have anything in common, do not be mistaken and you will be able to be happy with yourself…and with others.