Does the internal change comes up from resisting to what we don’t want to be?
Contribution made by Isabel Hernandez Negrin. Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, Spain.
Anyone can feel annoyed or dissatisfied with themselves sometimes. If I’m not satisfied with something maybe it’s because I don’t like it, it causes me discomfort, anxiety, annoyance, sadness, anger, emptiness… and I don’t like that feeling. I dislike something that’s inside me, I feel at war with that and an impulse that makes me want to change, to be different, to be better in any way to, therefore, feel good, happy, more acceptable, free of worry. But, why do I dislike something in myself? It’s normal to think that that negative quality is a restriction to my development, my relationships, my future…
There’s a thought, that you don’t normally see, that warns you that something bad can happen, and your feel fear and every other feeling. Either this fear and your fighting spirit drives you to act, to avoid risky situations, or to fight before something happens to vindicate yourself, or to mask that quality you don’t like. But those actions do not prompt the change that will make you feel at peace. That little voice inside you that tells you that you’re ugly, too tall, boring, not smart enough, indecisive, and so many other things you care about; and you end up believing them.
What will make you feel at peace? What kind of change will be the most radical? Only discovering those thoughts and realizing how important they are to you will make feel at peace with yourself, without resisting that what you fear. This radical internal change will come because of its observation, without letting yourself be swept away by it and its consequences. When you grab a flashlight and focus it to see it in the face, without fear, is the real change. But there won’t be any change if you resist seeing it and you only want to get away from the discomfort.
So, grab that flashlight to observe and wait for it without fighting, with open arms. In the end, you’re also that, how can it harm you?