Does the resistance to my emotions generate aggressiveness and violence?

Commentary by José Parés Pérez, Concepción, Chile

Our path through life is full of situations that we dislike, that worry us or create desires in us that we cannot satisfy. All of this generates emotions that we normally do not know how to handle. The truth is that we have never been taught how to handle our emotions. It is a lesson that generally is not included in the education we are given when we are small. And we end up by living in a way that is distracted from our lives so that we can avoid or forget the effects that are produced by us not managing our emotions properly. We begin to think that we are obliged to lead a difficult life because we suffer as a result of refusing to accept our emotions as a natural part of our lives. Life is as it is, not as I want it to be. Therefore emotions will always be present because there will always be situations that we dislike.

Joy in living is not achieved by going off to live in a paradise on Earth. That place does not exist and if it were found, by moving to that place, the one responsible for your difficult moments would come with you, yourself. And you are the one responsible because you put up resistance and reject what you experience.

You do not accept life as it is; you deny that anything should arise in your life that you dislike or that annoys you; you allow yourself to be dominated by a desire that you cannot satisfy. Ultimately, if things do not turn out as you dreamt they would, that will make you suffer and distract you from your presence in yourself. There is no joy in living or any peace, harmony and coherence, when you are not present in your life. And you were the one who decided to be distracted from your life by not accepting the life you lead. I strongly doubt that there is a situation in life where aggression and violence will be a useful resource for solving a problem in relationships or dissatisfaction with results. Not just metaphorically, but in real life too, you abandon the negotiating table with yourself or others when you resort to this kind of behaviour to achieve what you propose. It is not for nothing that around here, or in Chile, it is said that when you rail against the reality of your life and react violently: “You lose your stirrups (temper).” You use the wrong strategy and the horse becomes unmanageable. When something in life seems to annoy me, I will handle myself appropriately and I will try to remain present in my life. That allows me to realise that I am the one that causes my difficult moments.