Does the struggle between what I am and what I want to be fill me with anger?
Contribution from Isabel Hernández Negrin in Las Palmas de Gran Canaria, Spain.
We often force ourselves to be something we aren’t. Whether through repression or desire for satisfaction, we try to arrive at some type of personal achievement – to be richer, more understanding, relaxed, attractive, intelligent, etc.
All this internal movement towards something else focuses on the future and brings with it tremendous force. We should note that this implies a constant undercurrent of struggle with oneself for this nonconformity to the present situation. From this position, we are always missing something to be satisfied, given that the satisfaction must arrive in the future. We deny the joyful present because, we believe, in our ignorance, that we’ll be better in the future. And it is possible that in the future we truly will be better, but not at the cost of losing our present life, the real life that we can live and enjoy.
“The moment will come soon,” “I’m determined to become a recognized professional,” “Study, because it will be useful in the future.”
Without a doubt, our circumstances will change, but each moment has its worth and its beauty. When we are totally absorbed in a better future, we lose our lives.
If I end up a distinguished professional, it won’t be because I forced it on myself today, but rather because I worked every moment without compromise, without expectations. Almost no one admired today had that objective in their mind in the past. They worked at their tasks with passion and dedication, without vain expectations, instead of being unhappy because their suffering went unrecognized.
The object is not the end of the road; it is the road itself.
How we do things, accepting each moment as it is – that is what matters. This may or may not lead us to a happy conclusion but the beauty is in living each action as if it were your last, instead of living life as a means to an end. This does not bring anger and frustration with ourselves, towards others. Not accepting my circumstances and my current self produces nothing but disgust, which we bring to everything we do because we ourselves become that disgust. However, if you accept what you are, what you’re like and what your circumstances are, an attitude that will allow you to see how marvelous your life can be will begin to blossom within you.
Your perception of your life depends solely on you.
How do you want to live it?