Why and what for would I want to be what I am not?

Contribution by Isabel Hernández Negrín, Las Palmas, Canary Islands, Spain.

Possibly because I do not like how I feel or I do not like some aspect of myself.  I think that if I or my situation were different I would feel happy, assured and accepted by others, which is what nearly all of us seek.  Sometimes, we feel a bit (sad, bored, ugly, incapable, etc.) which is unpleasant for us and we brood over it again and again, denying it and fighting against it through some kind of activity which makes us forget it and pass on to something else.

To other people, this dislike or lack of personal satisfaction makes them think that if some external circumstance were to change, then they would be happy.

We look for a new job, other activities, another house, another country, etc.

However, the dissatisfaction is within us and wherever we go it goes with us as if it were our shadow.  Essentially it means that we feel insecure and anxious and want to feel differently, happier.  However, we cannot run away from what we feel.  For this to change, the answer is not to run away, but to stop denying what I dislike.     

Perhaps this does not sound logical, because we are all too accustomed to seeking pleasure and running away from pain.

However, neither of these things brings us happiness, because what moves us to search or to run away is this very fear of insecurity or of not being accepted.  Whenever we reject a feeling we experience or an external circumstance, we suffer.  We suffer because of the insecurity it produces in us, but particularly because of the rejection we feel towards it.  If you cease to reject it, or to resist what you feel, or whatever the circumstance may be, the pain diminishes and even ceases.  When we become tired of running away or fighting against ourselves and we pause and observe honestly what is actually happening to us, without fear, then, the suffering can cease.  Whether there is an aspect of yourself that you do not like or an external circumstance, the moment you start to brood over it – stop rejecting it, stop regretting it and be present in what you feel, without wanting to run away, feel it without wanting it to change.  Let it be without fighting.  If you read this, simply as a theory, you will not get anything out of it.  If you want something to change inside you, you have to move towards action and do what I said above, without resisting.

The recipe is not bad and if you never use it you will never know what it tastes like.

I recommend it to you!